Author: John Merlino
Date: 15:12:34 06/03/02
I have received many amusing e-mails recently at the chessmaster e-mail address. Here is a small sample (note that all spelling/grammar/etc. errors in these e-mails are original): -------------------------- The line below is the entire contents of the e-mail: can I buy chessmaster here when it is available? -------------------------- Short and to the point: Dear Chessmaster, I think that Chessmaster is good. A Russian Man -------------------------- Here's some praise, some good (and common) suggestions, and the longest run-on sentence imagineable, all in one e-mail: i just wanted to tell you all there that i have had shredder and fritz,they dont even come close to chessmaster it is so much easyer to use and learn from but you should think about saving the opeing book to the disk so chessmaster can learn another good thing would be a cd that works with chessmaster 8000 but is just annotated games with live talking or with computer voice this helps low rated players like my self more then just playing bobby fischer vs spassky now if one of them talked and said what whas up that would help more i will buy all chessmaster games from now on...... -------------------------- Here's a rant from the kind of person we all know -- the person (almost certainly adolescent) who thinks he knows everything, but is 100% wrong about regarding he's complaining about (except for the "dumbing down of America", of course): I just want to say that a friend of mine bought this piece of "code" and I haven't found the words to tell her what a waste of money it was.... gee, how can I say this.... it sux,,, I dont mind so much the fact that it wont do anything productive... but it really pisses me off that in the doc's you make so many references to tradition, but the damn program doesnt actually use any chess notation pre 1980,, go figure.. whatever happened to Kp-k4,,pxp,, kkt-kb3??? is the dumbing down of America that complete?? cant find the karpov-kasparov set,,, and when I do it wont play, one click one move,, just to review.. and as for that so called "help" or whatever the advise is supposed to be,,, gee the "brady bunch does 'moronville'" , if I wanted the puter to play chess for me I'd give up the game... well on the plus side,, I also build model rockets, your crap 8000 will be going up as fins along with all those aohell discs I end up with.... bummer hope yall come back with real brains and an actual concept of the game and programming in the next life... -------------------------- Here's a VERY common kind of e-mail, from the person who bought a version of Chessmaster over 10 years ago, and now wants....well, you'll see: I have a purchased copy of Chessmaster 3000, DOS version, on physical 720k disks that has trouble installing under Windows98. I have heard of a free update for Windows users and would like to know if it is still available. -------------------------- Here's another typical e-mail from somebody who has a legitimate complaint, that Chessmaster does not support Windows 2000/NT. However, it's hard to find sympathy for him when he argues like this: I've purchased two versions of your products (Chessmaster 5500 and also your 6000 version), and paid quite a bit for those merchandises, I've recently purchased a new computer which has a window 2000/NT operator system, and now neither of the softwares (6000 and 5500) I've purchased form you is working on that new operating system !!, according to Microsoft's Officials and also software experts there is absolutely "No Significant Difference" between two new operating systems of Win 2000/NT and Win XP, the question is: "WHY THE CUSTOMERS WHO OWN WIN 200/NT ARE BEING SINGLED OUT AND TREATED DIFFERENTLY?, while the customers who paid the same amount but owning their softwares are working on their Win XP and receiving the on line patch files and technical supports for the same product?. I live in (location changed to protect the writer...and because it is completely irrelevant -- JM), and I'm absolutely puzzled and quite frustrated also about "Blocking" the way of communication with your customer service representative, the number indicated in your product 's manual you sold us refers the customers to call to a new long distance number which requires customers to pay, and most interestingly when you call the number the message simply is: "This Number Is No Longer In Service!!" and there is no number to contact you on your web site neither!!, Virtually, and quality of costume service seems blocked in purposed! to get red of customer's complaint and abuse, I believe that's not only unfair, but also rising some legal issues on "Consumer's Equal Treatment" as well !, I'm obviously asking full paid money for those software I've bought from Chessmaster back and return of your products, or receiving an immediate and equal support for those softwares as the other customers with Win Xp are receiving.... (So, in other words, he used these products for years and now wants his money back in full because he upgraded his operating system. And as a coda, this person asked, at the bottom of his e-mail that we reply to a different e-mail address than the one he sent it from. It wasn't that he was changing e-mail addresses, he just wanted it sent to a different one. We accidentally sent it to the original one, and got an even more heated e-mail four months later saying that, among other things, he got our reply). -------------------------- And, finally, this post had us rolling. We get a lot of posts from people who don't know the more "advanced" rules, like castling, en passant and stalemate. But this one is undoubtedly the best ever.... (WARNING! CONTAINS PROFANITY -- STOP READING IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY PROFANITY OR VERY BAD SPELLING/GRAMMAR): Godamnt!!! 45 min trying to figure out your fucking prograsm out!!! I'm so sick of dealing with you shitheads. You spend 1 hour trying to get an answer to a simple question because you fuckheads don't want to provide cuastomner support. You'll take my fucking ,money though! PLEASE AQNSWER THIS QUESTION. TWICE NOW WHILE PLAYING THE GAME IT OFFERS ME A STALEMATE. AND I DONT WANT A STALEMATE BUT GUESS WHAT THERE IS NO DECLINE BUTTON THERE IS ONLY AN OK BUTTON. WHY? HOW DOI I DECLINE? WHY IS STALEMATE NOWHERE TO BE FOUND IN THE INDEX OR CONTENTS. I'M SICK AND TIRED OF SPENDING MY TIME TRYING TO FIND A SIMPLE ANSWER TO SIMPLE QUESTION ID LIKE TO PLAY FUCKING CHESS....!!!! -------------------------- Enjoy! jm
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