Author: Stephen A. Boak
Date: 18:01:31 02/05/00
Go up one level in this thread
Maturity includes-- 1. Not trying to provoke another person to anger--don't tempt them to sin. 2. Not answering distasteful remarks in kind (in same manner)--one wrong does not justify another wrong. 3. Not rising at any bait (i.e. another's remark or troll). Sometimes that is exactly what your detractor wants you to do--to make you look bad. You shouldn't always reply, even if you try to handle it in an even and thoughtful manner. One reply often leads to a new set of exchanges, which often escalate in terms of vitriolity. NOTE--Sometimes the best defense is silence. It does not imply agreement. It does not acknowledge that your opponent is right and you are wrong. Don't lower yourself to mudslinging at the level of your opponent or you will also be smeared and muddied. Best of all, silence will keep you from doing something foolish and wrong. Mature readers will not be mislead by your silence--you don't need to appeal to them with logic and reason, they already are using such themselves. They will understand the provocative or heated nature of your opponent and see through any blatant lies or innuendo. Immature readers will not be dissuaded by your comments--if they are disposed to believe anything they read, they will continue to do so. You won't make them become mature by the weight of your own arguments. 4. If you have nothing good to say, don't say anything (this is a good saying to adhere to). Apply it with your conscience, not with your hurt feelings. Don't think only about yourself--your wounded pride. 5. Compassion for another human who may not be happy with themself or life as much as you are, who may not be as emotionally balanced as you are, who may not understand their own character flaws as well as you. I sincerely believe that some posters are actually mentally ill--for which they need help (compassion!) and not vengeance. Why push them so hard that their instability increases? This does you and them no good. Along with this goes forgiveness--from the bottom of your heart, not tentative or conditional (if they stop their commenting, for example). We all get upset or angry at times (certainly me too) and post things we may regret later. There are other ways to react without venting in public--replying with a nasty post of our own. I have often submitted brief moderation requests (for deletion of offensive postings that violate our charter and the spirit of our charter) and the moderators have always taken note, have always taken suitable action, and often have thanked me for bringing the situation (message number) to their attention. They don't read every posting--I sure don't--and certainly not even within an hour or two of posting for the ones they do read. If you permit an off-topic post or two, or a personal attack or two, to pass by without comment, to be posted without making a nasty reply, then if it is repeated or continues excessively the moderators will notice it themselves, or it will be brought to their attention, and it will be halted before it becomes a broad-scale flaming war. We have moderators for just such assistance--so we don't have to escalate a problem by participating in the battles with hot tempers and ill feelings when we get personally offended. I think a moderated bulletin board starts with self-moderation by the members, continues with some trust in the elected moderators (the moderation system), even if they are not perfect (are we?). It is still early in 2000, why don't we make personal resolutions to forebear, not retaliate, to overlook not point out the flaw in another, to forgive not condemn. I think we will all feel better about ourselves and enjoy our comraderie in this forum a whole lot more. --Steve Boak
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