Author: Sune Larsson
Date: 18:20:41 02/05/00
Go up one level in this thread
On February 05, 2000 at 21:12:35, Stephen A. Boak wrote: >Maturity includes-- > >1. Not trying to provoke another person to anger--don't tempt them to sin. > >2. Not answering distasteful remarks in kind (in same manner)--one wrong does >not justify another wrong. > >3. Not rising at any bait (i.e. another's remark or troll). Sometimes that is >exactly what your detractor wants you to do--to make you look bad. > > You shouldn't always reply, even if you try to handle it in an even and >thoughtful manner. One reply often leads to a new set of exchanges, which often >escalate in terms of vitriolity. > > NOTE--Sometimes the best defense is silence. It does not imply agreement. >It does not acknowledge that your opponent is right and you are wrong. Don't >lower yourself to mudslinging at the level of your opponent or you will also be >smeared and muddied. Best of all, silence will keep you from doing something >foolish and wrong. > > Mature readers will not be mislead by your silence--you don't need to appeal >to them with logic and reason, they already are using such themselves. They >will understand the provocative or heated nature of your opponent and see >through any blatant lies or innuendo. > > Immature readers will not be dissuaded by your comments--if they are disposed >to believe anything they read, they will continue to do so. You won't make them >become mature by the weight of your own arguments. > >4. If you have nothing good to say, don't say anything (this is a good saying to >adhere to). Apply it with your conscience, not with your hurt feelings. Don't >think only about yourself--your wounded pride. > >5. Compassion for another human who may not be happy with themself or life as >much as you are, who may not be as emotionally balanced as you are, who may not >understand their own character flaws as well as you. I sincerely believe that >some posters are actually mentally ill--for which they need help (compassion!) >and not vengeance. Why push them so hard that their instability increases? >This does you and them no good. > > Along with this goes forgiveness--from the bottom of your heart, not >tentative or conditional (if they stop their commenting, for example). >We all get upset or angry at times (certainly me too) and post things we may >regret later. There are other ways to react without venting in public--replying >with a nasty post of our own. > > I have often submitted brief moderation requests (for deletion of offensive >postings that violate our charter and the spirit of our charter) and the >moderators have always taken note, have always taken suitable action, and often >have thanked me for bringing the situation (message number) to their attention. >They don't read every posting--I sure don't--and certainly not even within an >hour or two of posting for the ones they do read. > > If you permit an off-topic post or two, or a personal attack or two, to pass >by without comment, to be posted without making a nasty reply, then if it is >repeated or continues excessively the moderators will notice it themselves, or >it will be brought to their attention, and it will be halted before it becomes a >broad-scale flaming war. We have moderators for just such assistance--so we >don't have to escalate a problem by participating in the battles with hot >tempers and ill feelings when we get personally offended. > > I think a moderated bulletin board starts with self-moderation by the >members, continues with some trust in the elected moderators (the moderation >system),even if they are not perfect (are we?). > > It is still early in 2000, why don't we make personal resolutions to forebear >not retaliate, to overlook not point out the flaw in another, to forgive not >condemn. Let's avoid name calling and stick to opinions about computer >chess--some healthy disagreement regarding *ideas* is appropriate, but don't let >it get out of control and attack *individuals*. Don't even walk the fine >line--avoid it by being careful what you post. > > Put hard feelings of the past behind you--holding grudges will only re-ignite >the flames again and again. Give everyone a new chance, a clean slate, and >don't be the one to toss gasoline on a few smoldering coals that we will >occasionally run across. > > I think we will all feel better about ourselves, our relationship with God, >and we will enjoy our comraderie in this forum a whole lot more. Suddenly my tea tasted even better...(Lapsang Souchong :) Thanks! > >--Steve Boak
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